Empathy in Christian Evangelism and Apologetics

By: Tony Williams | October 27, 2024

Thesis: Real Empathy is needed in evangelism and apologetics.

Cold Fire

Many today find a way to dismiss the idea of pain with slogans like, “That’s just the way it is”, or, “Life is hard and then you die.” While it may be the way it is, and life is certainly hard, denying the rightness for pain in loss robs those who have suffered trauma and evil of the empathy from others that can potentially help to heal wounds. As a young Christian, I was unaware of the way my apologetic and evangelistic fire likely came across as cold to the people I love.

At the age of 21, I was a new Christian. Though I had been raised to believe in God, I had been nearly talked out of it by a university professor. When my eyes were truly opened to the reality of God’s existence and the need for a savior, I committed myself to Christ and was on fire to share the good news with others as fast as I could. I understood like never before, that sin and death entered into the world through the sin of Adam and Eve, and that the whole world was broken as a result. All the evil and suffering suddenly made sense, and there was hope to be had!

Trial Run

When I lost one of my best friends in a motorcycle crash, I was heartbroken in a way I can’t describe even today. Thanks be to God, I was still sure of my newfound faith and I wanted others to share in my confidence in the plans of God for good, despite the jarring pain I was suffering along with all the others lucky enough to know the friend we lost.

Apologetic Answers

I spent months telling people about the nature of evil and death and its origin and how we would see our friend again in Heaven if we trusted and followed Jesus. Digging deeper for the apologetic answers to the problem of pain, I shared with every one with friends. I loved my friends and wanted them to share my confidence in a great reunion at some future date when our tears would be wiped away by our Creator. Desperately, I wanted my friends to feel the peace that I felt, despite our broken hearts. And I assumed they didn’t know something I did. I assumed they lacked faith.

Importance of Grieving with People

In my zeal to bring my friends something I didn’t think they had, I forgot to grieve with them. I didn’t truly allow myself to share the full weight for our common loss. Unfortunately, I tried to turn our friend’s death into a chance to bring them to the cross. I never asked what they thought or even bothered to ask if they had faith in God to begin with. Rather, I just told them things that I was confident in. I am still confident in them, but I was often less than tactful. My ability to cope was based on my faith in Christ and that was, and is, absolutely still the case. However, in trying to rationalize the grief away I likely missed opportunities to be a better witness and a better example of the mercy of God in suffering with those who were suffering.

I do not say here that Christians shouldn’t be “prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in” them. (1 Peter 3:15) I wholeheartedly believe that Christians should “not grieve as others do who have no hope.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). However, hurting with others and sharing in their pain is just as Biblically sound as any lesson in theology or apologetics.

Jesus Wept

Consider John 11:17, the shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus delayed his visit to His friend Lazarus, who had now died and was buried by the time Jesus arrives. As He is shown where Lazarus has been entombed, the Bible simply says, “Jesus wept.” Jesus waited to come until He knew Lazarus was dead. Still, Jesus wept. He also knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead in moments. Still, He wept. Some there spoke of how Jesus loved Lazarus, while others scoffed about how he didn’t arrive in time to save him. Jesus likely knew that He would see Lazarus again very soon, but also likely in eternity. Still, He wept.

As a police officer, I have become accustomed to walking people through loss and trauma. Investing myself in a church and small group that has seen tragedy and loss has provided another opportunity to grieve with parents who lost sons and wives who lost husbands. Christ has mercifully used all of this to inform my sense of kinship and empathy with my fellow image-bearers, though I am still far from perfect.

Grieve with Hope

My encouragement for the Christian evangelist and apologist is to simply grieve with others when the time comes. I don’t assume this will be easy. For a look at some ways God doesn’t approve of, spend some time listening to Job’s friends. While well-meaning, they misplaced blame, had no empathy, misrepresented God, and failed to comfort Job in his suffering.

My friends are great friends and we are all still friends, despite my overanxious desire to rationalize the hurt we were all feeling decades ago. We still grieve our friend but in much more peace and I dare say, much more hope.

If you have failed to help others grieve well, don’t worry. There will be more opportunities for us all, I am certain. I am also still certain that Christ will raise those who trust in His authority as Creator to save us from ourselves. Finally, and most importantly, I am confident that Christ will weep with us in all of the tragedy and loss that we will experience until at last, He “will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

About the Author

Tony Williams

Tony Williams is currently serving in his 20th year as a police officer in a city in Southern Illinois. He has been studying apologetics in his spare time for two decades, since a crisis of faith led him to the discovery of vast and ever-increasing evidence for his faith. Tony received a bachelor’s degree in University Studies from Southern Illinois University in 2019. His career in law enforcement has provided valuable insight into the concepts of truth, evidence, confession, testimony, cultural competency, morality, and most of all, the compelling need for Christ in the lives of the lost. Tony plans to pursue postgraduate studies in apologetics in the near future to sharpen his understanding of the various facets of Christian apologetics.